在华外籍人士眼中的中国（人）

太多了，没细看。有空翻译成中文试试。
You Know You've Lived in China Too Long When...


5. You smoke in crowded elevators.
6. All white people look the same to you.
8. You find state-employed retail staff helpful, knowledgeable and friendly.
9. You no longer need tissues to blow your nose.
12. You think that the heavy air actually contains valuable nutrients that you need to stay healthy.
15. It’s OK to throw rubbish, including old fridges, from your 18th-floor window.
16. You believe that pressing the lift button 63 times will make it move faster.
17. You aren’t aware that one is supposed to pay for software.

19. You tell friends their house back in your home country has bad feng shui.
20. You think that a $7 shirt is a rip-off.
22. You buy an XXXL T-shirt in store when you returned home.
24. You have no reservations about spitting sun flower seeds on the restaurant floor.
25. You think it’s silly to buy a new bike when it’ll get stolen soon and stolen bikes are half the price.
27. You feel cheated if you don’t receive a full head and shoulder massage when getting a haircut.
29. You no longer wait in line, but go immediately to the head of the queue.
30. It becomes exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anyone can get off.
32. You no longer wonder how someone who earns US$ 400.00 per month can drive a Mercedes.
34. You believe everything you read in the local newspaper.
35. You have developed an uncontrollable urge to follow people carrying small flags.
36. You regard it as part of the adventure when the waiter correctly repeats your order and the cook makes something completely different.
37. You are not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb.
38. You look over people’s shoulder to see what they are reading.
39. You honk your horn at people because they are in your way as you drive down the sidewalk.
41. When shopping at Carrefour some laowai stares you down for catching you looking into his basket while you wonder to yourself what laowai’s eat.
43. You have a pinky fingernail an inch long.
45. You start to watch CCTV9 and feel warm and comforted by the governments great work.
48. When you are able to jump the queue because the idiot laowai left 2 centimeters between themselves and the person in front of them.
49. You have absolutely no sense of traffic rules.
50. You start calling other foreigners Lao Wai.
51. You start cutting off large vehicles on your bicycle.
53. You think no car is complete without a tissue box on the rear shelf and a feather duster in the trunk.
55. When looking out the window, you think “Wow, so many trees!” instead of “Wow, so much concrete!”
57. You think “white pills, blue pills, and pink powder” is an adequate answer to the question “What are you giving me, doctor?”
58. Someone doesn’t stare at you and you wonder why.
59. Firecrackers don’t wake you up.
61. You wear out your vehicle’s horn before its brakes.
63. Forks feel funny.
64. Chinese remakes of Western songs sound better than the originals.
66. You realize that smiling and nodding is Chinese body language for, “Go away; leave me alone.”
70. You think of “salad” as diced apples in mayonnaise
73. Your handshake is weakening by the day.
74. You compiled a 3-page list of weird English first names that Chinese people of your acquaintance have chosen for themselves.
76. You and a friend get on a bus, sit at opposite ends of the bus, and continue your conversation by yelling from one end to the other.
77. You cannot say a number without making the appropriate hand sign.
78. You like the taste of Green Tea and Chivas.
79. You start recognizing the Chinese songs on the radio and sing along to them with the taxi driver.
80. You feel insulted when you enter a restaurant and only three waiters welcome you.

Your friends can’t understand why you haven’t memorized your QQ
Even you start messing up “he” and “she” in English and also don’t get what the big deal is when you do
You go to a nightclub and jump on stage, go crazy dancing cos the locals think you are a movie star… and so do you!
You eat soup with chopsticks
You get on the bus and sleep right away.
You can’t decide if you love or hate the country you living in

A few shots of Bai jiu don’t even give you a buzz.
When someone says ’snack’, you think: salted cuttlefish.
You enjoy wearing flip flops on all occasions.
You get your haircut on the sidewalk.
You have grown used to the picture quality of pirated VCDs.
Badminton and ping pong are your main forms of exercise.
People with bright white teeth look frightening to you.
You find yourself exiting on a major highway…on your bike.
You draw characters on your hand to make yourself understood.
You ask people in what animal year they were born.
You can’t put a proper sentence together in your native language.
You developed an acquired taste for mooncakes.
Your building’s security guard is 4 times older than the building itself.
Thanks to karaoke, you know who has the most singing talent in your building.
You know it is useless to protest when the lady at the supermarket check-out wraps one toothbrush in 6 plastic bags.
You learnt to recognise Andy Lau, Leon Lai, Aaron Kwok and Jacky Cheung. AND JACKY CHAN.
A PhD in Nuclear Physics fluent in 7 languages irons your socks for a pittance but she is from the Philippines so it’s all right.
You use the word “Ayyiieeaaahh” every few sentences to convey surprise, pleasure, pain or anger.
You watch an american movie on HBO, with sub-titles, and try to read them.
Your work buddy taps you on the shoulder to talk to you, and you say “Bu Yan” (no thank you!) out of habit.
You offer to sell your own watch to a $2 Rolex street vendor, to fend him off.
When denying someone something they expected or counted on you just say “Sorry” (buhaoyise) with no explaination whatsoever.
You have a pet bird…which you walk.
When you take a cab, you give play-by-play driving directions to the driver.
The footprints on the toilet seat are your own.
You stop at the top or bottom of an escalator to plan your day.
You rank the decision making abilities of your staff by how long it takes them to reply “Up To You”.
You find that it saves time to stand and retrieve your hand luggage while the plane is on final approach.
A T-Bone steak with rice sounds just fine.
When listening to the pilot prove he cannot speak English, you no longer wonder if he can understand the air traffic controller.
You throw your trash out the window of your house, your car or bus you are on.
You regularly fumble for five minutes to find 10 jiao despite 10 people waiting in line behind you.
You ride around on your bicycle ringing a bell for some unknown f***ing reason.
You start telling a story to a new expat friend about the crazy Beijing girl you slept with 6 months ago and he replies that he knows her and she was his girlfriend at the time. Neither of you care.
Hookers buy you drinks.
You get your first case of bronchitus and you have never smoked a cigarette in your life.
The idea of seeing how this place will look at Expo 2010 and the Olympics actually appeals to you.
You haven’t cut you finger nails in 8 weeks.
In a meeting you say everything will be ‘wonderful’ and give no details.
You forget that the other person needs to finish speaking before you can start.
In the rain, you spot a vacant taxi which is 10 minutes away and you have already planned how you are going to jump out with great enthusiasm in the road, elbow everyone else trying to claim it, and wave your hands everywhere in a ‘look at me I’m a goal keeper’ kind of fashion.
You watch taxi drivers picking their noses whilst stuck in traffic. Instead of feeling disgusted, you actually admire along with them, the length and breadth of the bogie.
You see people outside wearing shower caps in the rain, and instead of thinking what a freak, you actually understand the practicality behind it. The same with clipping pegs on your trousers when riding a bike.
Your eating manners in restaurants are now totally shot. Elbows on tables and spitting food out onto your plate is now seen as being dead classy.
You start picking at other people’s dinner plates before they even offer you a taste.
You eat family style at any and all restaurants, Chinese or not.
You would rather wait on the street for an extra ten minutes for a 1.20, than pay the extra for a big cab.
You ask how much people are making and expect people to answer.
You talk louder than is necessary.
You think Yangshuo is a nice place for a holiday.
You go back home for a short visit, get in a car and start giving the driver directions in Chinese.
You have to pause and translate your phone number into English before telling it to someone.
You get used to having a before dinner, during dinner, and after dinner cigarette.
You wouldn’t think of buying any appliance that doesn’t come in lime green.
You ask fellow foreigners the all-important question “How long have you been here?” in order to be able to properly categorize them.
You seriously contemplate putting bathroom tiles on the outside of your house back home.
You can swear in 3 different dialects.
You stop enjoying telling newcomers to China “all about China”.
You are not surprised to wake up in the morning and find that the woman who stayed over last night has completely cleaned your apartment, even though you’ll probably never ever meet her again.
When you think it’s alright to stick your head into a stranger’s apartment to see if anybody’s home.
You see three people on a motorcycle and figure there’s room for two more.
Smoking is one of the dinner courses.
You speak Chinese to your foreign friends.
Chinese stop you on the street to ask for directions.
People who haven’t seen you for months don’t ask where you’ve been.
Metal scaffolding at construction sites seems much more dangerous than bamboo scaffolding.
Pizza just doesn’t taste right unless there’s sweet corn on it.
Eating at “Western” restaurants, you wait until after dessert to drink your soup.
That unopened bottle of XO has aged longer on your living room shelf than it ever did in France.
You can make elevators go faster by boarding first and taking over the controls.
You (men) roll your shirt up to your nipples.
You have a purse and you are male.
You would never think of entering your house without first removing your shoes.
You get offended when people admire your chopsticks skills.
You cannot say “Call me.” without making a pretend phone with your fingers and sticking to your ear.
You think your nose IS kind of big.
You forgot the real purpose of the mirrors in the car.
You think the head light for the car is only to see the street so it’s more save to switch on the high beam always.
You start to enjoy warm beer.
You think that Yao Ming is the best basketball player in the NBA.
You instinctviely shake out your clothes before wearing to remove any dust from drying on your balcony.
You don’t blink an eye when a complete stranger wants to take a photo of
you with his family.
You know the words to all the KTV songs (English and Chinese).
When you go back to your own country it feels odd wearing a seatbelt and you think its strange that you cant smoke in a taxi.
You start correcting Southerners on their Putonghua.
When you can’t imagine a meal without yi wan mi fan! (a bowl of rice).
When you go back to your home country and you find it odd that when going out to a restaurant, you don’t have 5 wait staff welcoming you at the same time.
You find it strange when everyone’s food at a restaurant is brought out at the same time.
You start making lists like this.
---------------
The smell of stinky dofu doesn't faze you anymore.
>
>- You complain about that price difference of DVDs/VCDs/CDs bought in the
>stores and on the streets.
>
>- You are not surprised when your garbage lady answers her cell phone and
>keeps digging through your trash!
>
>- You (female) stop wanting to be tanned in summer and start carrying an
>umbrella.
>
>- You no longer feel that females look like prostitutes wearing tight short
>shorts in the summer.
>
>- It doesn't shock you anymore when you can see female's underwear through
>their dress.
>
>- You shove the guy before you back to where he stood half a minute before
>in the queue, barking a loud "hou mian, hou mian, ni nongmin!"
>
>- You dial the wrong number, and instead of saying "buhao yi shi, wo da cuo
>le..." you simply hang up.
>
>- You can open and hull sunflower seeds with your tongue.
>
>- You eat so many sunflower seeds you now have a dent in one or both of
>your front teeth.
>
>- You have a jar full of "fen" (Chinese pennies) at home.
>
>- You can climb 6 flights of stairs without a rest stop.
>
>- You dress according to the calendar instead of the weather, e.g. wearing
>3 or 4 layers in April -- even when it's 20 degrees Celsius outside.
>
>- You have trouble sleeping when you go home for a visit because it's just
>too darn quiet.
>
>- You feel at home when you hear mosquito's buzzing near your ear.
>
>- You can sing The Moon Represents My Heart -- in English and in Chinese.
>
>- You forget how to program a VCR at home because that is obsolete
>technology in China.
>
>- You wonder why everyone is so fat back home -- even the Asians!
>
>- You have ten different responses to the question, "Do you like China?"
>
>- You know ten different ways to point out a foreigner in Chinese.
>
>- You stare at other foreigners.
>
>- You stare back (especially at knockout women).
>
>- You point out foreigners to your Chinese friends even though you're
>foreign yourself.
>
>- You no longer find it humourous that the bus never really stops to pick
>people up, it just sort of slows down.
>
>- You find yourself asking anyone and everyone if they can make the price
>cheaper.
>
>- You know words in Chinese for which you don't know the translation in
>English.
>
>- Your mashed potato has squid guts and fish heads in it...and you think it
>tastes fine.
>
>- You answer 'China' or some Chinese city when people ask where you're
>from.
>
>- You answer 'China' or some district name when people ask where you live.
>
>- You answer 'ni hao', giggle, and run away when someone says hello to you.
>
>- You pick your nose, burp, fart, and scratch so much even your Chinese
>friends get embarrassed.
>
>- You start thinking that stupid questions are reasonable.
>
>- You call home and your family tell you to speak faster and stop
>correcting their grammar and pronunciation.
>
>- You think that having the runs for 2 weeks is normal.
>
>- You don't have any idea what something is, but you'll eat it anyway.
>
>- If you just ate it and liked it, you ask what it is so you can order it
>next time.
>
>- You know what it is and you eat it anyway.
>
>- You have strict mental rules as to when you reply to a hello (ie person
>must be within a 20 foot semi circle radius and not with a group of men).
>
>- You completely ignore most people who say hello to you.
>
>- You have a conversation while sidestepping feces, vomit, and mysterious
>green puddles on the sidewalk without blinking.
>
>- You see a woman with dyed hair and trying to figure out of she's Chinese
>or foreign by walking fast to catch up.
>
>- You eat cake with chopsticks.
>
>- You don't eat your cake anymore, after all cake is for food fight only.
>
>- You've stopped wondering why it takes a 20 gallon flush to clear a 2
>ounce pee.
>
>- You answer 'So is mine.' when people say their English is so poor.
>
>- You convince yourself that it doesn't matter how dirty the cooks' hands
>are, cooking will fix it.
>
>- You think squats are great because no one can piss on the seat.
>
>- You think Yang Rei (CCTV9 'Dialogue' program) is an unbiased reporter.
>
>- You believe that anything done to you is because you're not culturally
>sensitive enough.
>
>- You stop wondering why they're not culturally sensitive to you, their
>guest.
>
>- You are becoming proficient in 4 other languages: Mandarin, local
>dialect, Chinglish, and gibberish.
>
>- If there are only 4 screaming children running around the classroom, you
>consider it a good primary class.
>
>- If there are only 4 students sleeping, you consider it a good middle
>school class.
>
>- If there are only 4 dictionary obsessed nerds, you consider it a good
>language center class.
>
>- If you're only mocked in public 4 times, you consider it a good day.
>
>- You love tofu because there's nothing to spit out and it doesn't have any
>taste.
>
>- You start saying 'play computer' 'I very like' and other assorted
>Chinglish.
>
>- You know exactly what CS is, and you can't live without playing it at
>least once a week.
>
>- You hold hands with men and think nothing of it.
>
>- You avoid touching women like they have cooties.
>
>- You get absolutely knackered at a 12 year old's birthday party while
>playing drinking games with children and munching on turtles.
>
>- You whole-heartedly agree with things that you don't agree with.
>
>- You can do almost anything standing on, but not actually wearing, your
>sneakers (i.e. change your pants)!!
>
>- You've got a pre-paid ticket with a booked seat for a soft-seat train or
>plane, but you still run like mad to make sure you get a seat.
>
>- You forget that vegetable soup is actually pesticide broth.
>
>- You laugh and smile when someone calls you a fat pig.
>
>- You point over your back with your thumb when using the past tense.
>
>- You watch TV and not know what the hell is going on but enjoy it anyway
>because of the women in the shampoo commercials.
>
>- You think that America's '60 Minutes' program is 48 minutes of bullshit
>and 12 minutes of commercials, but you can't wait for China's '60 Minutes',
>which will either be 60 minutes of bullshit OR 60 minutes of commercials.
>
>- You're beginning to like fruit salad and mayonnaise.
>
>- You've stopped wondering why you only get bread if you order a chicken
>and mayo (mei you 'nothing') sandwich.
>
>- You eat chocolate from home and: (a) miss the taste of salt and (b)
>bounce off the walls from sugar overload.
>
>- You've learned that it's okay to be 3 days/weeks late for appointments
>because everyone else is.
>
>- You've stopped wondering why restaurants don't clean up the barf right
>outside their door.
>
>- You've stopped wondering why people will step over it to get into the
>restaurant.
>
>- You've used those big toothpicks so often you now have circular gaps
>between your teeth.
>
>- You just love it when new brethren arrive and give you their list of what
>they will and won't do and eat.
>
>- You have accumulated hundreds of notes and addresses but you can't read
>any of them.
>
>- You start making commentaries when watching a VCD/DVD or in a theatre.
>
>- You think it's pleasurable to ride your bike down the road with 10 tonne
>monster trucks flying past you 2 feet away.
>
>- You have no qualms that someone who thinks you're stupid and gullable has
>total control over your life.
>
>- A hike up a mountain calls for a plastic grocery bag full of junk food,
>later you add to the scenery by littering the ground.
>
>- You love and hate children at the same time.
>
>- You give names to your roaches and cry if one dies.
>
>- You know that the New Year's Eve countdown must begin before 11pm or
>you'll be doing it alone.
>
>- You start thinking instant coffee tastes pretty good.
>
>- You realize that all wild animals are to be caught and eaten and/or
>ground up for medicine.
>
>- You wear the same clothes all week because nobody cares.
>
>- Your biggest decision every morning is matching your tie colour with your
>face mask.
>
>- Local drinking games are your most effective language learning
>environment.
>
>- Your daughter comments "there aren't the flies here, like in Australia",
>as she kicks the shit out of the way.
>
>- You eat your lunch whilst admiring the live baby rat in a cage (complete
>with watermelon rind for food) your friendly restaurant owner caught and is
>keeping for a pet.
>
>- Only five minutes of prep time for a unannounced class no longer fazes
>you.
>
>- You begin to question your own pronounciation.
>
>- When children ask if you like Chinese students you reply "Yes they are
>very delicious" without batting an eye.
>
>- You plan to ask students questions they must form their own answers to
>and you bring reading material along to occupy your time during the long
>silence that fills the period between you asking the question and the first
>hand that tenatively rises.
>
>- Being served dog when you go out is no longer your greatest culinary
>fear.
>
>- Begin giving the staff ratings on the answers they give you based on
>their creativity rather than their candor or truthfulness.
>
>- You no longer expect the truth.
>
>- You can use "face" as a weapon.
>
>- When you hear "7-Eleven" it reminds you of two of your students